Last week was spent in Guatemala, leading a group of 10 in a return mission trip to visit orphans in and around Guatemala City.  I blogged every night last week at the official Guatemala 2009 blog for eXchange, trying to keep our church community, friends, and family abreast of all that was going on while we were out of the country.  I found myself writing a bit differently in speaking for a group, tempering some information to keep family from worrying, trying to make sure that everyone is represented in photos and stories.  Here are some things that didn’t make the official blog

Leadership: Leading a team on a mission trip is exhausting.  I feel a great responsibility for the team, for the bonding that happens, for the safety and well-being of the participants, and for facilitating the process of integrating the shocking experience of a first mission trip into the being of the person who comes home.  Beyond the culture shock and eye-popping disparity between our lives and those of orphans, there are people on the team who have never been out of the country or on an airplane.  I also find myself setting aside my personal needs and suppressing my reactions and emotions to attend to the needs of the team.  I haven’t figured out how to do both during the week in country, so I just come home a mess. 

My loves:  I love Cristal, the sweet little toddler at the babies home.  She is beautiful and smart, and she breaks my heart when I see her again and she comes to me with her arms raised.  She breaks my heart again when I have to leave and she won’t let me put her down.  I love Tomas, the young man Amber and I befriended 3 years ago.  He was gone to another orphanage last year, and I rediscovered him this trip.  Such delight to see that he remembered me, as I remembered him.  I love Tito and Ambrosio, the young men with special needs and ready smiles.  They make me smile just to think of them.

Competence and confidence: I thought that this week was an improvement for me as a leader.  There were some frustrating schedule changes that didn’t cause me to freak out; instead I problem-solved and acted as a buffer so the team didn’t know all that was up in the air.  I communicated the changes after things had been ironed out.  I felt less like someone posing at having confidence in leadership skills, and more like someone who was comfortable and competent, and it always feels good to be operating in the place of skill and knowledge, doing what God designed you to do.

I’m already making plans for a return trip…